Archive for the ‘Theories’ Category

My Rebellion: A Look at Society.

February 8, 2010

I once thought this place was a paradise – home of the free. I must have had rose colored glasses on or something. The opposite is true. Our government is a corporation whose only purpose is profit. The humans who live in this domain, mere commerce property of said corporation. Not that they even begin to care, being brainwashed with reality television that blurs the line between fiction and reality. Most of them are so crazy from their conditioning – from public education teaching conformity, unquestioning obedience to authority, and materialism that there’s nothing worth redeeming to be found in these people. Selfish and lazy – fighting over crumbs while enforcing the system.

The sometimes is a rare soul who dares to think but that is about as far as their actions go. I call them “liberals” and I say they are useless. Utterly and complete trash. They spend their time complaining about the problems in society – knowing that we’re heading for a crash, but do nothing but watch. These people are spectators of life – allowing life to happen to them as if there was some unnatural force controlling their fate. They are too afraid to take the next step in realization: that we, humans, create the world we live in. That we have a choice: we can say “No.”

That’s where I fit in the picture. I have said, “No.” to the machine. Fate, fortune, or luck has afforded me the privilege of not having to beg for my supper. Some people aren’t lucky enough to have the option but most that do are too blinded by this desire to obtained man-made bullshit that they fall into line.

I am an anomaly. I want freedom from oppression and hierarchies. I want peace and equality. Sometimes I think I am the only one. Just by looking at the world – it is the way it is because people have made it this way. Now, they think some savior is going to come and fix this mess. Believing faerie tales and living life by a book. Things have been largely this way for the last ten thousand years and look where it’s gotten us. If this fucked up world isn’t proof enough that religion isn’t working, I don’t know what is.

I haven’t met anyone like me; someone else who wants to dedicate their life to changing the world. Just because I don’t work doesn’t mean I do nothing. I have been afforded the luxury to rebel so I am. I organize and form groups to try to promote peace, equality, and freedom. I haven’t had much luck so far. No one seems to think such a vision can be real but it is.

Peace is here if you want it. You need to only look to yourself. Most people can’t though. They are monsters. I’m a monster too being brought up in this capitalistic society but at least I know it. The others can’t admit imperfection. They model their lives off magazines and buy, buy, buy. Because of their greed we as a human race are going to die, die, die. What good is money when there’s nothing left to buy?

Less Talk. More Action.

January 30, 2010

If people would spend less time complaining and more time doing; the world would be awesome. 🙂

On Change + “Kale” vs. “Cow”

January 26, 2010

Some people say things never change. I disagree. Things are changing all the time, everyday. The secret is that the change needs to start with you.

I hold Gandhi’s saying, “Be the change you wish to see in the world,” close to my heart. I try to live it. I’ve changed a lot over the past couple of years. I continue to try to better myself to be the best person I can be. My foundation has always been a good one; as I am a sweetheart, so maybe I had a better starting point than most. Most people don’t really want to look at themselves and see who they truly are.

To look at yourself honestly, means looking at both the good and bad. No one is perfect. Most people like to believe things without fact or logic to back it up. I have never been able to blindly accept anything. I question things constantly. As a fortune cookie I got a couple of months ago said, “Change begins with discontent.”

The truth is that most people don’t want to change. They don’t see anything wrong with themselves. Or to admit to being flawed would also be admitting to being mortal. That is something that some people can’t face because they aren’t willing to or they are afraid. To really look at yourself objectively is to sometimes see things you may not like.

I didn’t like the realization that I was causing harm to lots of innocent animals by being a carnivore. I’m the type of person who can’t kill a bug because I believed all life is sacred. I had to accept the fact I was being a hypocrite. That my beliefs and practices didn’t match. I remember saying I could never be vegan about five years ago. Somehow, I changed along the way.

I think it’s a matter of figuring out what’s important to you and pursuing that. So many people are afraid to try to live their dream because of fear of failure or something fear of success. It takes courage and fearlessness to be what you want to be.

Sometimes, I still think I’m a monster because I live in a capitalistic society. That I participate in a system that oppresses the many but I am also fighting to try to change it. Most of my work has the end goal of profits from my endeavors to go to charities and causes I believe in. It’s almost impossible to be guilt free in this world and some people don’t even want to admit they are guilty.

I remember I got someone so upset when I pointed out that they’d rather spend their money on an ipod than feed the hungry. We’re all guilty of things like that in this society. They didn’t want to hear that they were a murderer – both by neglect and association. I don’t met many people who accept the blame that the first world creates the third world, or people willing to try to change it. I want to find the others who don’t lie to themselves about reality and are strong enough to take a stand to try to fix the corrupt system.


Onto a lighter subject, I was talking about wanting to try kale chips the other day. “Kale” and “cow” sound a lot alike. So, my dad and his wife thought the vegan was talking about wanting to eat “cow” chips – cow poop. Haha.

Labels, Poseurs, and Oppressors

January 22, 2010

People are often uncomfortable with just being themselves. They hide behind labels, subcultures, and factions to define self rather than simply being. There are also those people who don’t fit a label but still try to present themselves that way.

This past week, I had a few people who believed themselves to be certain things when clearly they aren’t what they claim to be. For one of these persons, I decided to ruffle their feathers to see how they would react to controversy by letting them know they weren’t what they presented themselves to be. Instead of providing proof to the contrary, this person decided to pick on me, call me names, and tell me off. Some people don’t know how to handle conflict but I was pointing out what was clear to everyone. There’s a big pink elephant in the room and it’s you.

I often wish I wasn’t human. I ask my dad if I can be another species, and his comment is, “You’re not another species but you can pretend if it makes you happy.” Basically, I can call myself whatever I want – but it doesn’t make it true. The same goes with other people who are so set on defining themselves with mistaken labels. They are like me, wishing to be another species, I can pretend if I like, but it doesn’t make it true.

I usually let people pretend to be what they want to be when they are clearly not that. They feel threatened by people who are the real thing because they are simply wannabes. They form networks of wannabes and live a fake existence. Most people like to believe they are awesome, smart, attractive, and all sorts of things when they clearly aren’t. But they stick around with other losers; never working on improving themselves, and always staying a sad mess. They resort to picking on others to make themselves feel big. Clearly, they are broken inside and not ready to deal with it so they resort to pettiness.

I would have been a victim of some malicious trolls; immature kids, on the internet if I cared and let it upset me. For example, they are so set on trying to prove “how punk they are” by being wicked to others in the community. I am trying to sell my punk vest on etsy because it’s time for it to have a new home. I don’t know anyone worthy of being given such a gift so I figured I’d sell it. It has about 100 hours of labor into it, so it’s worth double than what I am asking for it. For some unknown reason, maybe because they liked the vest and couldn’t afford it, or they are just a mess in their own head, they tried to ridicule me. It didn’t work because I don’t care. I am only writing about this experience to show how they are what they claim not to be. Cruel, immature, and hateful. Everything that punk stands against, these people represent.

Punk isn’t about your studded vest, your colored mohawk, or your crust pants. That’s a uniform anyways. It’s about what’s inside. Peace, equality, and freedom from oppression. Clearly, these people are the oppressors. So, no matter what tattoos they have, what songs they listen, and patches they sew on they will always be a poseur. They are followers, imprisoned to their pack because no one else wants to be their friends because they are losers by the nature they are what they hate. They will never admit it to themselves because to admit a truth would have their whole world come undone. The saddest thing is, even if they disagree with me, they won’t be able to formulate an intelligent argument beyond swear words and pointing fingers. They never look in the mirror and can recognize they are the problem because they have blinders on.

With that being said, I define myself into boxes not as absolutes – nothing is black and white, but as guides to assist. Unlike the poseurs, I don’t have an image I am presenting that I’ll give up everything to maintain just to continue living a lie. I live life fully without fear. The poseurs live in constant fear of reality which is their choice. They live a life not of reality but of spectacle and melodrama. Everything in the world is about them. They are very selfish. They are people I want not to be associated with.

Maybe that’s why it’s time to sell my vest. Those who are “punk” aren’t really punk. I don’t want to be associated with people who are a lot of talk and never any action. People who have to hide behind a computer to make jabs at others because they are so uncomfortable in their own skin. Cowards and oppressors. Being exactly what I am fighting against. I have no time for you.

Don’t forget the local community while helping the global community.

January 17, 2010

I think it’s great that everyone has come together to help Haiti. However, with the increase effort overseas, local food banks are left forgotten. There are people locally who need food and supplies too. My family has sent some money to Haiti but we’re also making a donation to the local food bank to help at home. Don’t forget the local community while helping the global community.

Today’s Lesson: People don’t change.

January 15, 2010

I am rather optimistic. I like to believe in the best of people. Sometimes I’m proven wrong.

I had tried to befriend a person and they just played games with me. I don’t know why. I was always forthright with my intentions but they made a mockery of me. I thought they were a person who got it. Who stood for peace and equality not cruelty. They turned out to be one of the biggest jerks I knew by doing things to laugh at me – not with me.

Bounce ahead, four or so years. I still wanted to believe the best of this person. I thought their duplicity was a result of peer pressure so maybe outside of that setting they’ll be a decent person. I don’t like to make a villain out of anyone and I try to see the best. I don’t like having negativity associated with people so I wanted to see if they had change in the past four years. My findings were conclusive that they haven’t. It’s the same old song and dance.

When I told my doctor that I thought this person would change, she laughed at me. I know I’m a completely different person than I was four years ago because I am always working on improving myself. I want to be the best I can be. Apparently, most humans don’t operate that way. They don’t change unless they have a reason to change – and even then sometimes they don’t. Most cases they get worse. I don’t get it.

I am always reading and educating myself. I try to talk to as many people as I can about anything and everything. I have a genuine desire to help the world. I have learned you can’t help the world until you help yourself first. It was a hard lesson for me because I always want to put everyone and everything else first but sometimes you got to make sure you are okay before you can make sure other people are okay. Even on airplanes, they tell you to put your air mask on first before helping others. There’s a method to this madness.

I am disappointed that there are jerks in the world. I always thought life was about living – I mean really living and not letting hatred or pettiness cloud your vision. I would like to think of the world as a big human community – like how we come together for things like Haiti. Why do we only come together in times of disaster? I think the world would be amazing if we kept the community spirit all the time.

This person is beyond my comprehension. I used to try to understand other’s perspective and points of view until I met them. I realize I can have no idea what goes on in another person’s head. It really isn’t my concern either. One of the hardest things I have is finding people who want friendship and connection. Just finding anyone who’s willing to accept love and kindness is really hard. Obviously, this person doesn’t. Not from me anyways.

It’s a hard thing for me to accept that I can’t befriend the entire world. I wish I could. It upsets me that there are people who hate me without even knowing me. That there is even hate at all. But that’s reality.

Antisemitism, White Privilege, and Racism

January 14, 2010

I was talking to my dad yesterday and he had the ignorance to say “Racism doesn’t exist anymore. We have a black president.” Then he adds, “Racism exists like antisemitism exists, it’s always going to be there but for the most part gone.” I just got really upset and mostly was speechless. I was appalled by how ignorant he was. He’s reading a book, Feminism Is For Everyone by Bell Hooks. He was unwilling to accept that fact that in the 1970’s, Hook’s felt discriminated based on gender. My dad claims he was going to school around the same time and he doesn’t remember women being discriminated against. He says it was the height of the sexual revolution. My personal assessment is that he, like most males, are oblivious to their male privilege and when anyone who’s oppressed speaks out about it, it doesn’t fit into their reality.

Racism and antisemitism are two different things. Most people forget that because Hilter went after the Jewish people as a race – but it really is just a religion. I get really annoyed when people are like “I’m a quarter Jewish” to me, that just shows lots of ignorance. In Judaism, you get your “jewishness” from your Mother. So, it’s either you are Jewish if your mother is Jewish or you aren’t. There’s no half or quarter or anything like that. You can consider yourself to be culturally Jewish or culturally half Jewish but there is a difference than being Jewish. That being said, being Jewish is something one can hide for the most part unlike race which is apparent. Racism is discrimination based on the color of your skin.

My dad claims he was beat up in school for being Jewish. I also know that my dad was a bully. He shoved a kid in a locker with his football buddies. He did all sorts of mean things so I really don’t know if they started picking on him for him being Jewish first or if it was something to add fuel to the flame because he upset them by being a real jerk. Not to say that it was right to pick on him for his religion, but if you upset people they’ll find something about you not to like.

My personal experience as being the only Jewish kid at my school, no one picked on me about that. I also grew up and a very conservative Christian area. Then again, I wasn’t a bully.

With that being said, I think my dad is very ignorant about racism in America in this day and age. He hasn’t been to the black ghettos on the outskirts of New York City. He hasn’t had Asian Pacific Islanders refuse to date him because he’s white. Nor has he gone to be an ally to people of color to only have them accuse white women of being racists for voting for Hilary instead of Obama in the primaries. He hasn’t been to a queer scene so divided between race and class that whites go to one party and people of color go to another. I have.

I don’t know how to explain what I’ve seen and experienced with my own eyes to him because anything I’d say he can deny. The talk would end with me getting really upset at his stupidity and him remaining blissfully ignorant being unwilling to accept another’s reality. He’s unwilling to admit his male privileges so why would he be anymore willing to admit his white privileges?

There’s an article written by Peggy McIntosh called White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack. I highly suggest everyone go read it. Some of the privileges that McIntosh points out that she has based on simply by being white are:

– I can, if I wish, arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.
– I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.
– When I am told about our national heritage or about “civilization”, I am shown that people of my color made it what it is.
– I can go into a music shop and count on finding the music of my race represented, into a supermarket and find the staple foods which fit with my cultural traditions, into a hairdresser’s shop and find someone who will cut my hair.
– I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group.
– I can easily buy posters, postcards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys, and children’s magazines featuring people of my race.
– If my day, week, or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it has racial overtones.

I remember having a talk with people of color about what their reality is like. The worse thing you can do when someone is telling you an experience of theirs is to deny it. I mean, it’s really unfair that people have issues with me simply because of my skin color but people have issues with them because of theirs. Even today, my friend pointed out to me racism on Google. If you type, “I’m terrified” in the search box – the auto-complete shows up, “I’m terrified of chinese people.” It makes me sick.

What can you do? Educate yourself and be aware of the privileges you might have. There’s plenty of books about privileges and racism.

I think for the next book I give my dad to read it will be about racism. Anyone have any suggestions?

On Revenge

January 8, 2010

I was talking to my friend the other day about revenge. Rather, she was working on a song for her band about it. The lyrics she shared with me went, “It’s not revenge, it’s justice!” The author of said lyrics and I have totally different views.

I don’t believe in revenge. I think it’s really childish – almost as childish as doing something that would warrant someone wanting to take revenge. Not to say I haven’t been hurt before, wronged, or given hell. I have. I’ve had peers mistreat me, tons of teachers, and even people that I have trusted as friends. I don’t walk around with a block on my shoulder because of it. Even when I was assaulted – my main concern wasn’t about “getting back” at my attacker – it was more wanting him to get help because something wasn’t right in his head that he would assault someone. I tend to operate out of general compassion for all beings.

Over the years, I have come to learn that usually I am not the problem. Rather, other people’s insecurities, jealousies, or short comings make them do mean and nasty things. It usually has nothing to do with me other then the fact I am at the wrong place at the wrong time. People’s ignorance is also a cause.

When I was in elementary school, I was so shy. I didn’t really know how to make friends. Sometimes I still don’t. I was such a mess from coming from a broken home that I didn’t feel I was worthy of human companionship. Some of the girls in the class took to not liking me because I was different. They would whisper behind my back and quickly dispersed when I approached. I never did anything to anyone but there was a wall there that even if I wanted to be their friends – they wouldn’t let me. There was an incident where the whole class was invited to a Halloween party except for me. I was the smartest person in the class – but someone else got the title as brain – as my peers didn’t want to include me. It was weird, it was like being invisible.

Sometimes I would wish I could change places with one of the other girl’s in my class. Not for long, but for a day so maybe they could see what my life was like. Their lives looked like rainbows and kittens to the invisibility I was facing at school to being verbally abused at home.

I never wanted revenge though. All I ever wanted was to show others what it was like. Maybe it is rather idealistic to think that if people saw the whole picture – they’d realized that we’re all human and get along.

For me, the best revenge I can ever get against someone who’s wrong me is living a happy and healthy life. I am awesome and I only had to put up with the hostile treatment for a time. They have to live with themselves for the rest of their life. That in itself is a far worse punishment than anything I could ever do.

On Duplicity

January 6, 2010

I had a request to write an entry about duplicity. I had a long talk with a friend about it the other day. First, let’s define duplicity as being deceitfulness. I tend to face a lot of duplicity from 1’s, 2’s, and 3’s. It is really frustrating because sorting the lies from what little truths there are becomes lots of work.

I think sometimes people are deceitful unintentional and out of their own ignorance. People lie to you because they’ve been lied to themselves. They don’t know they are progressing a lie because to them it is the truth. Such examples of this is religion and factory farms. With religion, the main idea is a good thought that is to love one another and get along. However, with so much dogma the original message is distorted. Hate and bigotry is the result. People not following what they should preach. With factory farms, people like to believe their meat comes from happy farms when the reality is quite different. They might tell their children the animals have a good life because they believe that the animals do. They aren’t out to hurt anyone with their lies because to them it is the truth.

Other times, people are deceitful for personal gain. They present an image or a front that’s not true to be perceived a certain way to gain certain privileges. It could be for a job or personal reasons. For example, a homosexual might stay in the closet due to not wanting to lose their heteronormaltive status. They might date the opposite sex even marry someone to keep up appearances. The problem with that is that everything you do becomes acting and based off lies. Once you start with one lies, to keep it going, there’s other lies. Before you know it, you are living a lie. You lose sense of self for what seems like a big gain to the person involved. These people are deceitful because they can not even be honest with themselves.

Sometimes people are deceitful due to peer pressure. Someone might be a nice person on their own, but with friends around they act like a jerk. It’s what expected of them to be “cool” and “fit in.” They play the role of the bully, to the detriment of themselves and those involved.

I’ve only been guilty of being deceitful out of ignorance. I think I gave someone wrong directions in New York City a few weeks ago because I didn’t know which way the street they were looking for was – I did add an “I think” due to not being sure but they followed my guidance. I hope they didn’t get lost.

When I was in six grade, I somehow fell into the popular crowd. I don’t really remember how but they liked me. These girls were so much drama. It was ridiculous. They would backstab each other all the time, gossip, and do all sorts of horrible things that I never took part in. I didn’t want to ditch them because I didn’t want to be alone and not have friends. I was unhappy with the situation. For me, the breaking point was when they tried to make fun of a nerd for brushing their teeth in the bathroom after lunch because they had braces. It was one thing when they would pick on each other – because they were friends (I guess), it was another thing to harass a stranger for being different. I stood up to the group and told them it wasn’t cool to pick on people and to stop. Shortly after that, I got tired of their games and stopped hanging out with them. I went and hung out with the nerds because they were nice people.

I think in order for people to stop being deceitful to themselves and others it takes education and strength to be yourself. Act up and do what’s right even if it is the hardest thing to do. That’s how I try to live my life. If I mess up, I try to make amends if I can. Being a master of yourself isn’t about being perfect – it’s about accepting your imperfections and being willing to change to fix mistakes. It’s about not being afraid to say I was wrong or I’m sorry.

On Being Straightedge

January 4, 2010

I never really took on the straightedge identity until recently. I was talking to another one of my straightedge friends and he mentioned there’s a difference between being straightedge and drug-free. It’s like the difference of being “queer” and “gay” both mean the same thing but they are different.

I first ran into the term straightedge when I was 19 and a freshman in college. I was in the community kitchen at the dorms and some kid who was a friend of a friend was talking to me. “Do you smoke?” “No.” “Do you drink?” “No.” “Do you do drugs?” “No.” “You’re straightedge.” “I am what?” I was so confused of having a label placed upon me for a behavior I’ve done. “Straightedge means you don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs.” “Oh.”

Being the nerdy, anime gamer kid I was back then – I went home and googled straightedge to find out what exactly this thing was. I found out about Minor Threat and how they started the movement in the 80’s. I found out about hardliners – who beat people up for not being straightedge. It was sounding like the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of. I mean, I liked the idea of not drinking, not doing drugs, and not smoking but it was starting to sound like a cult. I was intrigued yet put off at the same time. I didn’t like the sound of getting in fights just because of a different point of view.

Straightedge is one of those things that means different things to different people. The best way for me to understand straightedge is like my vegetarianism – a strong dislike for animal goods/products – instead of animal products it’s alcohol and drugs. I rarely go out with people who will eat meat in my presence because it just really upsets me. I go to bars sometimes – not that often – because drunkeness upsets me.

I don’t like drugs at all. Never have done them and never will. I think the mind is one of the most valuable things a person has and I would never want to mess with mine. Not just that, but the trafficking involved is really messed up.

I only been drunk once and I used to rarely smoke cigarettes. They helped me with my stress but I was ignoring the real cost. Tobacco companies are horrible. I just read an article about the child labor that goes into tobacco. It’s really messed up. I don’t want to be supporting that. Plus, alcohol is also made by some big corporation that only cares about profit. Every time we buy something, we are voting with our dollar. At what cost is your pleasure being derived from?

I guess that is something people don’t like to think about. The true cost of things. I felt it was selfish to be self destructive to myself because there are lots of people out there who love and care about me. I mean, everything isn’t kittens and rainbows, I have days where I’d rather not exist or deal with anything but some days are just so awesome that they make the bad times worth trucking through.

Straightedge to me means being responsible for yourself and your actions and also being considerate about those who care for you. It’s about healthy living and not supporting evil corporations. It’s about not needing drugs to be your true self – since you can be yourself without the use of substance. It’s about being yourself and being free from addiction.