Posts Tagged ‘duplicity’

Today’s Lesson: People don’t change.

January 15, 2010

I am rather optimistic. I like to believe in the best of people. Sometimes I’m proven wrong.

I had tried to befriend a person and they just played games with me. I don’t know why. I was always forthright with my intentions but they made a mockery of me. I thought they were a person who got it. Who stood for peace and equality not cruelty. They turned out to be one of the biggest jerks I knew by doing things to laugh at me – not with me.

Bounce ahead, four or so years. I still wanted to believe the best of this person. I thought their duplicity was a result of peer pressure so maybe outside of that setting they’ll be a decent person. I don’t like to make a villain out of anyone and I try to see the best. I don’t like having negativity associated with people so I wanted to see if they had change in the past four years. My findings were conclusive that they haven’t. It’s the same old song and dance.

When I told my doctor that I thought this person would change, she laughed at me. I know I’m a completely different person than I was four years ago because I am always working on improving myself. I want to be the best I can be. Apparently, most humans don’t operate that way. They don’t change unless they have a reason to change – and even then sometimes they don’t. Most cases they get worse. I don’t get it.

I am always reading and educating myself. I try to talk to as many people as I can about anything and everything. I have a genuine desire to help the world. I have learned you can’t help the world until you help yourself first. It was a hard lesson for me because I always want to put everyone and everything else first but sometimes you got to make sure you are okay before you can make sure other people are okay. Even on airplanes, they tell you to put your air mask on first before helping others. There’s a method to this madness.

I am disappointed that there are jerks in the world. I always thought life was about living – I mean really living and not letting hatred or pettiness cloud your vision. I would like to think of the world as a big human community – like how we come together for things like Haiti. Why do we only come together in times of disaster? I think the world would be amazing if we kept the community spirit all the time.

This person is beyond my comprehension. I used to try to understand other’s perspective and points of view until I met them. I realize I can have no idea what goes on in another person’s head. It really isn’t my concern either. One of the hardest things I have is finding people who want friendship and connection. Just finding anyone who’s willing to accept love and kindness is really hard. Obviously, this person doesn’t. Not from me anyways.

It’s a hard thing for me to accept that I can’t befriend the entire world. I wish I could. It upsets me that there are people who hate me without even knowing me. That there is even hate at all. But that’s reality.

Advertisements

On Duplicity

January 6, 2010

I had a request to write an entry about duplicity. I had a long talk with a friend about it the other day. First, let’s define duplicity as being deceitfulness. I tend to face a lot of duplicity from 1’s, 2’s, and 3’s. It is really frustrating because sorting the lies from what little truths there are becomes lots of work.

I think sometimes people are deceitful unintentional and out of their own ignorance. People lie to you because they’ve been lied to themselves. They don’t know they are progressing a lie because to them it is the truth. Such examples of this is religion and factory farms. With religion, the main idea is a good thought that is to love one another and get along. However, with so much dogma the original message is distorted. Hate and bigotry is the result. People not following what they should preach. With factory farms, people like to believe their meat comes from happy farms when the reality is quite different. They might tell their children the animals have a good life because they believe that the animals do. They aren’t out to hurt anyone with their lies because to them it is the truth.

Other times, people are deceitful for personal gain. They present an image or a front that’s not true to be perceived a certain way to gain certain privileges. It could be for a job or personal reasons. For example, a homosexual might stay in the closet due to not wanting to lose their heteronormaltive status. They might date the opposite sex even marry someone to keep up appearances. The problem with that is that everything you do becomes acting and based off lies. Once you start with one lies, to keep it going, there’s other lies. Before you know it, you are living a lie. You lose sense of self for what seems like a big gain to the person involved. These people are deceitful because they can not even be honest with themselves.

Sometimes people are deceitful due to peer pressure. Someone might be a nice person on their own, but with friends around they act like a jerk. It’s what expected of them to be “cool” and “fit in.” They play the role of the bully, to the detriment of themselves and those involved.

I’ve only been guilty of being deceitful out of ignorance. I think I gave someone wrong directions in New York City a few weeks ago because I didn’t know which way the street they were looking for was – I did add an “I think” due to not being sure but they followed my guidance. I hope they didn’t get lost.

When I was in six grade, I somehow fell into the popular crowd. I don’t really remember how but they liked me. These girls were so much drama. It was ridiculous. They would backstab each other all the time, gossip, and do all sorts of horrible things that I never took part in. I didn’t want to ditch them because I didn’t want to be alone and not have friends. I was unhappy with the situation. For me, the breaking point was when they tried to make fun of a nerd for brushing their teeth in the bathroom after lunch because they had braces. It was one thing when they would pick on each other – because they were friends (I guess), it was another thing to harass a stranger for being different. I stood up to the group and told them it wasn’t cool to pick on people and to stop. Shortly after that, I got tired of their games and stopped hanging out with them. I went and hung out with the nerds because they were nice people.

I think in order for people to stop being deceitful to themselves and others it takes education and strength to be yourself. Act up and do what’s right even if it is the hardest thing to do. That’s how I try to live my life. If I mess up, I try to make amends if I can. Being a master of yourself isn’t about being perfect – it’s about accepting your imperfections and being willing to change to fix mistakes. It’s about not being afraid to say I was wrong or I’m sorry.